May 2006

Brad’s Corner is a monthly commentary written by Brad about whatever he feels like. It’s supposed to be funny, interesting and thought provoking, but most geniuses are misunderstood. Check out the May 2006 edition of Brad’s Corner and see what’s on his mind.

Jack Ingram sums it up best in his stage show when he says “Bad stuff happens to good people and you just gotta keep on keep on keepin’ on.” Why is it that no matter where I go, I’m around that guy or that girl, or better yet, that family. It could be a restaurant, a sports event, a concert or the grocery store, but I always seem to end up next to the most devoid of couth, obnoxious, loud know-it-alls that walk the face of the earth. You know the type that I’m talking about. I listed them in order of personal annoyance to me.

At a restaurant, they are the one seated at the booth or table right next to yours screaming into their cellphone, blowharding about their yacht/Porsche/mansion/job and treating the waitress like crap. These people talk loud enough to insure that the whole restaurant hears them. Take solace in the fact that word of this person gets back to the kitchen and the offended cook will generally do something to the guy’s food that is not fit to print.

At a sporting event, it can vary as to who they are. They may be the drunken fan, the proud parent, the sore loser, or all that in one. These people are amazing. The level of their annoyance factor also varies depending on the venue. At a professional contest, they are more likely to be the drunken fan. The guy who is either sitting in the cramped seat next to you or the guy behind you jamming his knee into your head/back. He orders a beer every time the “bartender” comes past, he spits peanuts into your personal space, he spills beer on you, he cusses the opposing team pretty loudly, but is even louder in his venom for his team. He’s smarter than the ref’s and umpires and spends a great deal of time spouting off useless, baseless information that he heard on the Jim Rome show this week. Oh, and he got his tickets off E-bay from a season ticket holder. The even worse that guy is the youth league or high school parent. They know how to do it better than the coaches, believe that their son/daughter is the best player on the field, and spend more time embarassing their kids from the stands than actually being productive. These people are fun to sit around because it becomes so awkward that it is surreal.

At a concert, that guy/girl is infamous. The first clue is always the clothing. If, as the movie PCU pointed out, they are wearing the shirt of the band that is playing…they are that guy…and you don’t want to be that guy. If they are a girl and at a Texas music show, they can generally be spotted due to their super short blue jean skirt and tank top that has something “cute” spelled across the front. They are usually not old enough to drink, but just as their guy counterpart, they are drunker than the rest of the crowd combined. They end the night by vomiting in the bar or on the way to car. And this usually all takes place before the headliner has even hit the stage. Secondly, they are usually drunker and/or higher than the rest of the audience combined. They are the ones that yell for “Skynyrd” and also the ones that insert obscenities in the place of our favorite artists middle name. They are the ones that push in the beer line, cut in line at the bathroom, and usually end up on the wrong side of a bouncer’s push if you’re lucky. They talk loudly the whole time, only stopping to sing along to the chorus of the one hit song they know.

At the grocery store is the worst place to run into that guy/girl in my opinion. Just as the restaurant person, they are usually tied to their cellphone and can’t navigate their shopping cart effectively. They carry on a loud conversation and no matter what you do to avoid them, you’ll run into them on at least every other aisle. And of course, they’re going to be parked and reaching for the same items you are. They grab the last milk that’s got the best expiration date. They generally smell like they bathed in raw sewage and their basket is full of nothing but junk food. As it comes time to check out you somehow end up in the checkout line behind them despite your attempts to avoid them. Inevitably, there will be a problem with the register, they will object to the price of an item, or something they have won’t scan and they’ll have to go grab another one from the aisle, all while you wait amongst their stench. Then, after all that is over and you finally make it out the door with your stuff and amble over to your car, you notice that they parked near you as well. Just in time to see them leave their basket next to their car and watch it roll into yours leaving a dent.

I’m not sure what we can do about “those people” but I know I’m not alone in my frustrations. Maybe we need to start a support group or lobby Congress to pass a law. Together we can make it through, feel free to post your “those people” stories in the comments section. I have too many to mention but avoided giving any specific examples because that would turn this column into novel length.

Minor Chords:

-What the hell happened to Tom Cruise? A year ago, nobody thought he was THAT weird or unusual. What a difference a year makes. The man who was Maverick and Cole Trickle has been reduced to a shell of his former cool self. Almost everyone believes his marriage to “Kate” Holmes is a sham, and that the baby was obtained in a way to coincide with his Mission Impossible III promotion. Can’t wait to see how this turns out.

-What’s going on? Big & Rich actually have a song out I like…called “Never Mind Me”…check it out if you haven’t yet. It’s one of their tunes where John Rich’s songwriting and singing ability wins out over their freak show circus stuff. For the most part though, country radio still sucks. I could not be happier about the success Jack Ingram is having with his latest single. Now, if I could just get them to stop playing Rascal Flatts I’d be happy.

-So, CPS visited Britney Spears home to investigate her son’s fall from a high chair. Someone needs to send a psychiatrist to investigate her, why does she stay with such trailer trash of a husband? Am I alone in wishing that K-Fed would’ve fallen from his chair and hit his head.

-If anyone has seen any part of this season’s Surreal Life, they along with me know that Tawny Kitaen left the better part of her brains on the hood of those Jaguars in the Whitensake videos.

-I wish Taylor Hicks could go over to Nashville Star after he’s voted off American Idol. He’s the coolest musician I’ve ever seen on reality tv. The coolest since Heather B from the rap group Bitches Wid Attitude on Season 1 of the Real World.

-The Rangers were tied for first place the other day with a record of 8-9. Only the Rangers could be tied for first with a sub-500 record. I love my team…Cubs of the South I tell you.

-I only have about 3 more weeks left before we go all Alice Cooper and I get to be lazy until next August when I get a new batch of young minds to mold.

-This is being posted before I head to LJT’s this year. I can safely say in advance, that if you didn’t go, you missed out on the best Texas Music shindig of the year.

-This month’s recommended movie is: History of Violence. Starring Viggo Mortensen, Maria Bello and Ed Harris, it’s a great mob flick/suspense caper. It’s violent and captivating at times. It does drag in parts and is a bit cliché in others, but it is definitely worth a rental.

-This month’s recommended album is: Sixes and Sevens by Stephen Pointer. Stephen is a young multi-instrumentalist from Ft. Worth with a character voice and a ton of personality. His debut effort is a solid one that encompasses hints of Jack Ingram, Ryan Adams, Randy Rogers, Jason Boland and Bruce Springsteen. It leans more towards the alt-country of Wilco and Whiskeytown than the standard Texas music routine, yet it is a highly enjoyable record. Standout tracks are “Oh Virginia”, “Pray For Me” and “Breathe Another Day”. Check out a live show!

-“Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.”-Mark Twain